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Ags Nightmare

Member Since 25 Aug 2010
Offline Last Active Jan 19 2012 12:25 PM

Topics I've Started

The Clowngress Countdown Story: Debt Ceiling 24

24 July 2011 - 02:11 PM

As everyone knows by now, Clowngress is meeting behind closed doors this weekend to hammer out a deal that would allow us to raise our countries debt ceiling a few trillion dollars so the corporate plutocrats can continue to keep their global stock market bubble inflated. For the next several days of meetings, our representatives will assemble to acting out their version of the Jersey Shore. This financial drama is needed since HLN lost valuable air time viewership since no one cares about Casey Anthony anymore. The already signed agreement to raise the debt ceiling will be delivered just in the nick of time and knee cap some hapless forex traders sending some secondary markets spiraling out of control while corporate America laughs all the way to the bank. Anyway, here is what I found out about what our one party representative base will be doing with their time before miraculously claiming bi partisan victory. Here is what debt ceiling countdown day will look like. 7:00 AM Everyone plays Twister. After making the rounds on TV shows, representatives and senators assemble behind closed doors to stretch their legs after a night out of heavy drinking with corporate lobbyists. I hope [...]

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You Want To Create Jobs Clowngress? We Must Become Unproductive

17 July 2011 - 09:36 PM

Yep. You heard it hear first! Encourage already brain dead Americans to become mouth breathing chili eating with their fingers apes. If you have to be at work at 8, show up at 11 AM! If you have a deadline,miss it and take a piss on your bosses desk before you leave the office marking out your initials in pee with a Chinese symbol next to it for symbolism. If “all” Americans commit to having intimate relationships with their smart phones, our corporate plutocracy will be forced to re consider their Chinese sweat shop stance of manufacturing their products that we consume like vultures offshore. If we do not take a stand here and act like per historic apes we suck. That said, what is left of our dwindling lazy work force will make the plutocrats think twice hiring Wang Chung because Crapple can’t assemble their gadgets fast enough due to their Americans who are at home trimming their toe nails. The plus side of it all is we can have Americans jumping out of 10 story buildings being overworked and bug eyed, rather than China, and reduce unemployment since we have nets here because we have a fire department [...]

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In Honer of The Maria Fibre Optic Cable Award

20 June 2011 - 10:57 PM

I just have to throw this oldie of mine out there. I remember back in 2000 before the Nasdaq crashed, Abby Joseph Cohen brought the gavel down at the New York Stock Exchange and the frigging head of the thing fell off when she hit the round slab of wood. We crashed a few weeks later. Now I’m pissed because she cursed the Cubs for another 100 years. Anyway, it is four O clock and do you know where your money is?

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Mid Year Bowl of Stoopid Award and Dumb Stuff

20 June 2011 - 06:17 PM

Today was just another summer stoopid rally. A stoopid rally, (I know I spell stupid wrong so leave me alone), is one where the market goes up on no volume for no reason. Often the day is filled with violent 30 seconds short squeezes where the Tony Dow Jokes goes up 75 points then hovers in mid air like a wet snot hanging on a railing in the middle of winter. That is what I would call a stoopid rally. Usually some positive event, like a country defaulting on its debt, impending global financial contagion, world war, or multiple earnings warnings gets everyone excited about the possibility of more government rigging of our numbers in symbols. I would like to thank the trader who determines what our future 201k balances will be and his furious work to discover price for us. His Random Walk is awesome. It’s hard work. His recommendation to be long rigging remains in place. I just talked to him and know a lot of people on the inside. They wouldn’t lie to me would they? You get some Fourth of July clown shoes. Next up and a little off topic, what in the world are the [...]

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I Wish I were An Oscar Meyer Weiner

06 June 2011 - 06:00 PM

Screw it if you think this has nothing to do with the stock market. This crotch rocket was one of the guys I used to think was one of the good guys but his wanker like the guy’s from Louisiana got in the way of being politically correct. Seriously. You can not make this sheet up. A guy named Weiner exposed his crotch to some 21 year old yet his wife weeps crocodile tears? The dude’s Johnson was tweeted or face crooked to some horny babe. Wait a minute. Let me pause for a moment. How bizarre can this one be when a guy named Weiner exposes his weener to chicks on face crook and tweeter. Sure, tell me another story how this has impacted society in a positive manner as this guy was one of our most intellectually sound members of Clowngress? This is the best of the best swinging Richard in front of some young girls face while debating the mating habits of Llamas with rethuglians in the House of Ill Repute. Let’s face it, our country is addicted to porn including the suits in Clowngress. What was that other guys name, David Vitter who dressed up like [...]

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