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TSA Space Alien Detection Officers

TSA Space Alien Detection Officers (ADO)

When you think you’ve covered all your bases, something new comes along. This time, it’s invisible! New intelligence suggests that space aliens with invisibility cloaks have been going through our checkpoints for years. We know they’ve been observing flight operations at some of our busiest airports, but we had no idea they were coming in.

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It’s not entirely clear what their intentions are, but they need to be screened just like anybody else. We don’t mind space aliens visiting our airports. In fact we think it’s kind of cool. However, they need to go through security just like everybody else. They can’t just continue to stroll through security, especially if they have their shoes on or if they’re carrying liquids. Or even liquefying weapons… We can’t get into all the details of how we know these aliens are transiting the checkpoint, but one thing we noticed is an uptick in suggestions that Goloxtinizer be added to our “Can I Bring” tool. Who knew… Even space aliens use our app.

Some experts think they possibly prefer first class commercial travel as opposed to their own spacecraft which is speculated to have a cramped and cold environment. Other experts speculate they have an affinity for airport food. Some have claimed that the prices are out of this world…

Whatever their motivation is, rest assured that a new layer of security has been developed that will allow us to detect and screen these unique passengers. This new layer is our TSA Alien Detection Officer (ADO). ADOs are an elite new type of officer who has undergone unique training to use specially developed detection tools. You may have already seen some of these tools in use at airports and just not known what they were.

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