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OT – The Downside of Polyamory

I know that this is so OT, it will be quickly cut, but it’s one of those articles that you have to read to believe.

I suppose this is what passes for cutting edge thought in psychology.

I’m adding “polamory” to my list of things that I really don’t need to experience, along with “owning a McMansion that I cannot actually afford” and “six figure consumer debt”.

From the article:

If emotional upheaval goes with the territory of intimate relating, the chances of emotional upheaval increase exponentially when multiple partners are involved, at least until our brains have been rewired. Even when people think they have grown beyond jealousy and fear of abandonment, they can be surprised by a new situation that reactivates old issues. Some might see this as a wonderful opportunity to clear up emotional baggage they didn’t know they had, but others would prefer to avoid these painful reminders. For example, Cheryl was relieved to have found a sense of peace and stability in her triadic relationship with Paul and Leslie after the year of emotional ups and downs that ensued when Leslie told Cheryl she wanted a sexual relationship with their friend Paul. When Paul asked if his former partner Harry could join them for dinner, Cheryl found herself enraged for reasons she couldn’t understand but soon realized she was afraid this dinner might be the start of another roller-coaster ride. She wasn’t sure if she was more afraid that Paul might leave her and Leslie to go back to Harry or that Harry might end up expanding their threesome to a foursome. She liked her life just as it was and didn’t want any more changes. Living in the moment was a challenge for Cheryl, who found it hard to trust that change might make a good thing even better.Challenges with time management and coordination are probably an inevitable part of polyamorous relating. One polyamorous woman complained that invitations to social events always presented a challenge as she never knew which partner she might end up being with at the time and what preferences he might have about attending. As one member of an eight-person intimate network put it, “Have you ever tried to get eight people to agree on where to go for dinner and then get them all out the door at the same time?” This kind of dilemma is common but, while relatively trivial, can take its toll over time. Nevertheless, it is likely to be less emotionally loaded than a conflict over who is going to sleep with whom when everyone’s preferences are different and time options are scarce.”

Psychology Today – Love wihtout Limits

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