Anacyst Prtzl Logic of The Stool Pigeons Wire wrote this interpretation of a headline piece over on CNN Money this morning. It is so profound that I had to share it with readers of The Wall Street Examiner. Many tanks to Pretzl Logic for sharing with us.
The Dow Jones industrial average (INDU) lost 382 points, or 4.6%, closing at its lowest point since Nov. 20, the date considered by many experts to have been the low of the bear market. The Dow had lost as much as 422 points in the afternoon.
Nice work calling the bottom, “experts”!
The TARP announcement “was a huge disappointment,” said Stephen Stanley, chief economist at RBS Greenwich Capital. “There’s been an incredible buildup for weeks and then they release a plan that has little in the way of details.”
Maybe they should have had the same guys who designed the DNC convention set up the speech. They could have re-used the Greek columns, and featured Timothy Geithner standing in sort of Sun God-like robes, surrounded by thousands of naked women screaming and throwing little pickles at him.
Enthusiasm about the economic stimulus has waned in the weeks since it was first proposed.
Gee, wonder why.
Banks receiving money will have to provide details about their intended uses for the money.
The sad thing is, many of these details will be turned in after having been written on the back of cocktail napkins…
Utilizing my Ultra Super-Secret Anonymous Sources at the Treasury, I have managed to obtain an early draft of:
Bank Of America’s Proposed Use for Requested TARP Funds:
Corporate “fact-finding” mission for the board of directors to Puerto Vallarta in corporate jet: $15 million
Accomodations: $2 million
“Services” from locals: $32 million
Live donkey shows: $55,000
Penicillin and doctor follow-up visits resulting from “services” from locals: $285 million
Bribes to get Ken Lewis released from the local jail after he got into a bar fight with the donkey: $168.50
The plan will also make more credit available to consumers and businesses by expanding an existing Federal Reserve program.
Federal Reserve lending for consumers! I hope they find a way to bring back Phil Rizzuto. “Hi, I’m Phil Rizzuto for the Fed Store.”
However, he did not put a price tag on the new plan, which is expected to exceed the remaining half of the original $700 billion TARP. He also said the Treasury will not ask Congress for more money right now.
What’s another few hundred billion at this point? Send in the helicopters! One can almost picture Bernanke playing Robert Duvall’s part in Apocalypse Now, swooping in with “Ride of the Valkyries” blaring and shouting to Geithner over the cacophony: “Wagner! Scares the hell out of the taxpayers!”
Of course, I have other ideas of what brought the market down yesterday. These factors were already in place and I warned about them last week in the Wall Street Examiner Professional Edition Fed Report. Stay up to date with the machinations of the Fed, Treasury, and foreign central banks in the US market in the Fed Report in the Professional Edition, Money Liquidity, and Real Estate Package. Try it risk free for 30 days. Don’t miss another day. Get the research and analysis you need to understand these critical forces. Be prepared. Stay ahead of the herd. Click this link and get in RIGHT NOW!