This exclusive just in from Shorty over at Capitalstool.com.

So we have new facts that have come to light in the Jon Corzine / MF Global scandal.

After a day of Senate “I don’t know / I didn’t intend” testimony (or should we call it “intendimony?”) we learn that an auditor for CME learned that Corzine knew of customer funds being used to collateralize MF Global’s bets.

Well these new facts generated an alteration to Corzine-speak according to this breaking story from Reuters.

So, forthwith, I hereby amend the Corzine Christmas Carol – new verse at end in bold.

Again, this is Jon Corzine’s testimony as a Carol – save you and friends the time and mind numbing self degradation required to read the transcripts in full.

(Sung to “God rest ye merry gentlemen”)

I guess you clever gentlemen
Are wondering what I’ll say.
Will I cite the 5th amendment
Or did I come to play?
Well I will tell you everything
On this December day.

You see, I don’t remember anything
Remember a thing
I just don’t seem to remember anything

Now clients gave us money
to invest in stocks and bonds
And some of it bought the services
of teenage Russian blonds
But that stuffs kinda normal
and isn’t really wrong

You see, I don’t remember anything
Remember a thing
I just don’t seem to remember anything

Hypothecated leverage
Are words that I don’t know
Even though at Goldman
It floated our IPO
But now its all so hard for me
as the MF CEO

You see, I don’t remember anything
Remember a thing
I just don’t seem to remember anything

So you see that I’m not guilty
That’s what I represent
Doing stuff illegally
Was never my intent
I simply meant to tweak the law
So suckers would get bent

You see, I don’t remember a thing
Remember a thing
I just don’t seem to remember anything

So now I see my state -a- ments
may need a change of state
An auditor for CME
Says I rehypothecate
Well that may be true, I just don’t know
But let’s get one thing straight

I never intended to intend
never intend
No I never intended to intend.

By Jimbo

When America goes broke, national icons will have to be sold off to pay the bill. This is the likely scenario:

1/ Naming rights for the statue of Liberty will be sold. They will be bought by the News corporation and the statue will be renamed the Fox News Statue of Liberty

2/ Yellowstone National Park will be sold as a summer party camp for the New York Giants complete with hot tubs and even hotter women. Old Faithful will be hooked up to the hot tubs to provide the hot water.

3/ Florida will be sold to cash rich Chinese retirees looking for a holiday home.

4/ Mount Rushmore will be bought by an eccentric Russian oligarch billionaire who will carve his face into Mount Rushmore. His face will be twice the size of the presidential faces.

5/ The Golden gate bridge will be sold to a syndicate of Arab investors.

6/ JFK international airport will also be sold to syndicate of Arab investors.

7/ The white house will become a bed and breakfast for European backpackers.

8/ The grand canyon will be bought by Waste Management Inc and become the largest waste depository in America.

9/ Alaska will be bought by the Russians

10/ Native Americans will use all their casino money to buy back all the national parks in the west

This post originally appeared here. Thanks to Jimbo!

Thanks to Trader Joe.

by Jorma

Dec. 1- (The Stool Pigeons Wire) Shares of Goldman Sachs fell this morning on the announcement that its earnings will fall significantly due to expenses related to providing security for its partners and facilities. A $20 billion dollar contract with Homeland Security will be administered by Xe, formerly Blackwater, who will provide security for the firm. CEO Lloyd Blankfein noted the expenses will not effect the expected $35 billion in bonuses to be paid out this year for doing God’s work.

Panel Discussion at CNBC

Phatbubble- The Stool Pigeons Wire

By Ags Nightmare

Oct. 6 (Stool Pigeons Wire) ” Folks…the bulls can do no wrong…Australia cut rates!!! ( yep he said that )….. just look at Mosaic…they missed by a country mile…sales down, revenues putrid, earnings non existent….but they said things will get better and it’s up huge pre market…everyone is celebrating the demise of our currency so what can go wrong ?…..equity traders just “love” having the dollar turn into confetti!”…. now folks…that’s some powerful reasons to say “the bulls win”…this is ” dumber then a bag of rusty nails”…the Pissant….back to you Whiskey !”…..

by Ags Nightmare

Sept. 25 (Stool Pigeons Wire)– ” I tell ya folks….bears just can’t get more than a 1 % pullback…and when they do ?…Where is the volume ?!!!….low volumes selloffs..thats not bearish folks”….” Just makes the bulls case stronger…just look at the airlines today folks…that’s all you need to see that the ball is still firmly in the bulls court…from the floor the exchange, this is trader talk….I know stuff…Bob Pissant…back to you Moo ”

Here’s the view from Jetlag at Capitalstool.coms’ Stool Pigeons Wire.

Click to Enlarge

Would you trust this man with your money?

I didn’t think so.